I had no idea who I would become as I was growing up. I had no confidence in myself (which was one of the traits of the person I had been in that past life). I lied profusely in my teens which, I discovered, was another trait of hers I had brought back with me. Thankfully, at the age of 16 I was caught-out in my lying, and it was the last time I did it, but I had brought it with me from that past life. My weight was another carry through, but I knew it was because of carrying the energy which I needed to work with Maitreya, so I could not change that. I had been a Leo in that life and, as such, was very dramatic and emotional over everything. In this life I chose to have my Leo energy with my Moon sign which makes me even more aware of the emotional body – far more than the Sun in Leo. I had also chosen to become emotionally detached in this life – very hard to do when one has been an Oscar winning performer in a past life!
As I read about this woman, it was as if I became her – personality-wise. I could see in my own life her past-life traits. Her reluctance to do the metaphysical work mirrored my own reluctance to do it, and also the fact that I ran away from it despite it being put in front of me for 14 years. In that past life I was supposed to have gone out into the public arena and done what I have done in this life, but I was just happy in that life to write books and have small soiree’s in my lounge room for people who wanted to be in the energy and watch and learn the magic tricks I had learned which they thought were manifestations from Spirit! The more I read the more I squirmed. I was living my life exactly the way I had done in that past life, although with different circumstances. I knew I had to change and I have changed over the last 18 years since Maitreya came into my life.
I was asked the other day if I had any regrets and I had to admit I do. I wish I had not waited so long to open the door to the metaphysical. As I have stated before, I really did not have this gift until I was 21. Although I felt energies and people around me when I went to bed at night prior to that, it was having a baby – a daughter 40 years ago – which really triggered the psychic energy to come to the surface. I like to think it is my daughter’s Scorpio Moon which did this, as Scorpio is a very intuitive sign and, with the moon being there symbolizing the mother; it was meant to be. After I had her, I gave her away for adoption, something I have written about before.
Very shortly after, I had another child – a son – and then another daughter. With those pregnancies I became even more psychic, but I was so frightened when it manifested in the way it did. Words would pop out of my mouth to people around me, and they knew what I was talking about. I was so scared. My mother had this gift for many years but never used it. I was told that my grandmother had been told she was a brilliant medium, but she would not use it either. When I tried to talk about it with my mother, she would try to answer my questions, but most of the time I had no knowledge. I have three planets in my natal chart in Scorpio. Scorpio is a very psychic sign. However, it can be a very fear-based sign and, with me, it brought out the fear big time. So I ran away from it, begged God to take it away – which in fact made the energy stronger – and tried with all my heart to run away from it.
I must rephrase the last statement in this blog. I actually chose, because of Alan not being comfortable with the situation, not to stew on it. He did not stop me, I allowed myself to be stopped by my Self. For me, Maitreya had spent years telling me that, if I did not complain quietly and clearly, how would people know there was a problem? How could things be changed? Alan said things would not be changed, but at least if I wrote or spoke and addressed myself, I would release the energy of frustration which tended to explode inside of me if I did not release it. Far better to speak my truth or write it than have that happen.
In MY truth, I believe things can be changed. I have to learn to go with my own feelings, not be frightened or concerned about others truth. I knew as always that Maitreya was correct. He has never been wrong, and so I have made a decision: no more Leo Moon explosions. It is a waste of energy and also very exhausting to go through.
The day after I wrote the letter, suddenly everything fell into place in the kitchen. Everything seemed to come together, and I was able to see the kitchen in its full glory. As I write, the final touches are being put into place by those who know what they are doing. By the evening of writing this blog I should have a kitchen sink and water to wash the dishes. I am sure that in the future I will find myself renovating a kitchen again, and I am sure I will be severely tested again. However, I have the solution now and will no longer allow the Leo Moon to react the way it did. I have to now try and teach this to others. As for Alan, well, he said to me the other day that perhaps he should complain, and I feel he is starting to soften on that subject. One thing I can say, it is far less stressful writing a letter/email – or speaking quietly and clearly one’s truth – than bottling the energy up inside and not releasing it. So much better!
I realized that all I needed to do in the past was to speak my truth quietly and clearly, but I had not done so. I had kept all the frustration and anger at the situation inside of me and never really released it in the right way. Usually my family/husbands were the ones who felt the wrath of my Moon in Leo temper/anger. The whole kitchen situation was trying to teach me NOT to give it any energy and to find a way to deal with the frustration and anger without exploding – which is what my Leo Moon did every time. It had taken years to learn this lesson, however I did not learn that lesson until now.
After sending the letter it was as if a peace came over me. Why did I not do that before? Each time there had been problems in the past I had swallowed them and not complained to anyone when I should have done so. I was frightened of upsetting people and of them being upset with me. What a waste of energy having that fear! It was the way my soul had dealt with the situation over and over, and finally I got over the fear. It was not about the kitchen. The kitchen was just a prop to enable me to learn the lesson about expressing myself quietly and clearly.
For a short while I felt stupid, why did I not see this before? I could not see it because the Self was there. My Self loves the drama of every situation. It is the Leo Moon part of me. I have said before that I am capable of the most Oscar-winning performance and yet could have dealt with the situation so much easier had I just written my letter of complaint with truth and conviction, but no anger.
In 2000 we bought another house, and once again the kitchen was changed, this time to accommodate a dishwasher and new countertops. I was able to enjoy that kitchen for a while, but we also had a new kitchenette installed downstairs in the house and, of course, we had many problems installing that one. As usual my Leo Moon showed its true energy and roared as loud as it could at the problems we encountered. After that there was a period of quiet. Everything was peaceful, and for a few years I was able to enjoy the two kitchens, my own and the one downstairs which enabled friends to stay and be self contained.
My husband and I had also purchased a house which we turned into a business. The house itself was in bad need of repair work. This was not the kitchen, of course, but the whole house. After much hard work and help from two friends it was finished, and we opened for business. I was told by my friends in Spirit not to be involved in the work at the business so I was spared my Leo Moon dramatics.
Again for a few years everything was fine and then I left my marriage and moved to the USA. Once again I had to cope with rented apartments until we purchased our own home, and although the kitchen was remodeled, the rest of the house was changed which involved a lot of work and of course my Leo Moon came out at times and roared. I did have moments of quiet though. I was learning! No sooner was that house finished (remodeling wise), we chose to move to a larger home. This home was beautiful. The only problem was that the kitchen was very old. It looked old, and I told myself one day I would have it remodeled. A few months ago, that became a reality!
Spiritual development is not easy and never will be. I am surrounded by people from my past, some with health problems, some unhappy, some stuck in a rut afraid to move who could have moved on and who did not because of one problem or another. I know that because they did not open the door and go through. They will have to try to do it again. My first husband had every planet (apart from the Moon and Sun) in retrograde. He was a healer, a massage therapist, and a Tai Chi Instructor. His energy was amazing. His retrogrades showed that he had come to the earth plane to address those issues in his natal chart, all of them from past lives. HE also chose the energy of a Master (through me) to assist him to do that.
The first time I channeled Argos, the energy who came in before Maitreya, my ex-husband actually broke down and cried like a baby, it was so profound for him. He loved to sit in the room I worked in and sit as he called it, “In the energy” long before I even knew what energy was. He had one problem. He did not want me to do anything except to be a housewife. I had given 15 years of my life to being a mother and a wife (and, I felt, a dedicated wife), but he wanted no part of my going into metaphysics. The more popular I became the harder it became for him to handle it. The outcome was that we broke up after 23 years of marriage. Spiritual development is like being in a hot kitchen with a hot oven. If you cannot stand the heat, get out, and he well and truly did. Development on a metaphysical level brings out the most abject fear and, if one cannot face it or deal with it, then one also needs to move on. It is such a shame that fear stops so many.
