|
Posts Tagged ‘Alan McElroy’
Thursday, September 9th, 2010
When we are young we have not yet learned about life. We (women, that is) are looking for that Knight in Shining Armor, someone to protect us and care for us. In my early years, I needed a partner; I did not function well alone at all. Now, of course – forty years on – I love being alone and, when Alan occasionally has to go away, I revel in the time I have alone. But I always look forward to him coming home. It is nice to be alone, and I know that if anything happened to Alan I would not have another partner. Although I know nothing will happen to him, it is nice to know that I am not reliant on a man to be in my life. I have come to learn that love is actually non-existent. What does exist is a caring nature, someone to be there for me, someone who does not criticize what I do or how I do it, someone who does not hit or turn violent against me. It is someone who, when I am sick, will clean up my vomit and wash out my panties and clean the toilet. To me, that is love.
You cannot own love either. Love will not be owned or manipulated. Love is caring unconditionally for a mother, father, partner, family member, child, animal, or whatever it responds to. Love does not hate nor dislike. Love understands the differences in each other, accepts the differences, and does not run away when its partner gets crabby. More than anything, love is forgiving. Men are different from women – totally different – and they cannot think like women. Nor can women be and think like men. When we understand each other though and do not become obsessed with having that person in our life, only then can we be at peace with ourselves and with our partners.
Continued…..
Tags: Alan McElroy, caring, differences, dislike, hate, love, Maitreya, Margaret McElroy, men, obsessed, partner, peace, unconditionally, women
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
I believe that the energy known as God put us on this earth plane to be together in some way, not necessarily in marriage, for marriage – I believe – is man-made. It is a choice many make. I even made it. For some it is the same-sex partner, but it is nice to share our lives with someone. Most of us long for that “special one,” and some of us find that person, but we are all meant to be together with someone. We do not understand each other though, and only when we understand that we are all different – can function as different yet still be together – can we really be happy with someone else.
In the beginning, Alan could not understand why I did not want to do what he wanted to do at times and why I did things differently, for example, why I did not like the foods he liked. Like me, he had to learn that we are all different, and to be different does not mean that we are weird or crazy in any way. We are different. As one person said to me the other day, “Men think through their penis,” and this is true; men are designed that way. After being a man for a day (written about in a previous blog), I understand exactly where a man is coming from. Women want the princess gown, the prince charming, the kisses, cuddles, affection, and the fairy tale! I still like to be kissed and cuddled by Alan. For him it is something he does not crave, but he knows it pleases me. It is a part of who I am, and he tries very hard to please me and do that function even if in his makeup it is not the same feeling as I have. He enjoys it, but it is not an in-built need like it is with me and most women.
Continued…..
Tags: affection, Alan McElroy, choice, cuddles, different, energy, fairy tale, God, happy, kisses, Maitreya, Margaret McElroy, marriage, men, Prince Charming, princess gown, women
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Tuesday, September 7th, 2010
The reason I say “whatever love is,” is because nobody can really define love. For women it is romantic, poetic, and a fairy tale. Very few men – perhaps 80% of men – really do not “love.” Men are designed to procreate, and for them the lovey dovey of “love” is sometimes non-existent. They just need to release, and love for them is not important. What is important is the release, and many men will use women to get that release. Women, of course, love the touching, holding, kissing etc. and do not realize that often the man they are with does not feel the same. Some men will say anything to get that release.
Neither Alan nor I are under the influence of whatever love is. We have a great personal friendship – an intimate relationship – but there is also an energy between the two of us which holds us together. Alan is the most wonderful, caring man I could ever wish for. My ex-husband was a caring man, but his heart was closed off, and it was purely a business relationship with occasional personal intimacy included. Although I had a lot of past-life energy to work out with Alan, it never took away that special feeling we have together. He is the most wonderful husband – attentive, caring, affectionate, and understanding. More than anything, he understands the work I do and has joined with me in it. I have a friend, brother, and lover all rolled into one, and sometimes even someone to advise me because I do not always have Maitreya near me to talk to about things, and it helps to be able to share with someone one’s ambitions and ideas. Astrologically also we are destined to be together. I believe Spirit saved the best until last, but a friend of mine said it is because Margaret has grown up and does not waste energy any more on mundane emotional issues. Whatever it is it works, and I know deep within myself that there is no other husband or other man for me in my life.
Continued…..
Tags: affectionate, Alan McElroy, astrologically, attentive, caring, energy, fairy tale, friendship, holding, husband, intimate, kissing, love, Maitreya, Margaret McElroy, past life, poetic, relationship, release, romantic, Spirit, touching, understanding, women, work
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Monday, September 6th, 2010
The young woman whom I had given a reading was an incredibly sensitive young woman. She had needed to be held and loved, and when she had allowed someone to do that to her, she was “used,” in a way, and then discarded. I know, of course, that it was a past-life situation. Mine had also been a past-life situation, but it had not been easy for this very sensitive young woman, and she had done things similar to what I had done as a way of getting back. However, just like me, it did not serve a positive outcome; it rarely does.
In the last 42 years since my first daughter was born, I have had much opportunity to look at the way our emotions react and how we allow them to do so. We are all looking for love, every one of us. Some of us are lucky in that we get it from our parents. Others find a partner who feels the same way, but most of us live in relationships that are not two-sided. We stay in them for comfort, convenience, fear, but very rarely are we true to ourselves. As I aged, I came to the realization that I should have left my first husband 10 years prior to when I did. My second husband I should have parted 5 years before I left, but I did not do so because of fear. The first time I had young children. How would I cope? live? etc.? The second time I was comfortable. Everyone else could see the marriage was not working except me. However, it took 5 years for me to finally see it. With my second marriage there was no love really. It was a marriage of convenience, but I was so busy and so wrapped up in my life that it covered up the fact that there was no love. It is that also which often deceives us. We do not have love, so we work instead because it fills that hole which is waiting for something called love. With Alan, whatever love is, it is there and I no longer crave it.
Continued…..
Tags: Alan McElroy, comfort, convenience, emotions, fear, love, Maitreya, Margaret McElroy, marriage, past life, reading, realization, relationships, sensitive
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Sunday, September 5th, 2010
It was only after the baby – a little girl – was born and I was in the hospital all alone that I began to become aware of my actions, what I had done, and how obsessive I had been. Whether it was Spirit or just my awareness that I created it I do not know, but I became aware of my need for affection and love. I looked back over the 5 years of being with Pete and came to the realization that I was the one who had pursued the whole affair. He was too weak to fight me or too frightened. I could not blame the baby and what happened to him; it was all my doing. I could have had an abortion, but no, I was going to make him suffer or want to be with me again. The moment I became aware of my own folly and of what I had done I was mortified. I felt ashamed, guilty, and after the adoption had taken place, I wrote him a long letter telling him I did not blame him. He wrote back and said he had to get married. Cathy, his girlfriend, was pregnant and basically he was, in a way, asking me to go back with him.
Of course, I didn’t. A year later I married the man who was in the army, but this time my relationship was different. When we were courting before we married, I did not allow myself to become obsessed with him. We wrote to each other for some time before we got married as he was overseas. I had grown enormously, and my life was different because of that growth. I was no longer desperate for love, but I was witnessing people around me who were. I could recognize their issues because of what I had gone through myself. Forty years later I was again looking at the same syndrome with the beautiful young woman sitting before me.
Continued…..
Tags: affection, Alan McElroy, ashamed, awareness, baby, growth, guilty, love, Maitreya, Margaret McElroy, married, obsessive, pregnant, relationship, Spirit
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Saturday, September 4th, 2010
When we met a few days later, he told me he wanted to end our relationship. He no longer wanted to go out with me and had, in fact, got another girlfriend! I was devastated. Forty-two years ago I was still so afraid of my father and mother finding out about my being pregnant. How was I going to deal with this? I was only eight weeks pregnant when I told Pete, and during the next week I found accommodation with a friend and moved out of my home, my parents not even knowing anything was wrong. After I left, I sent them a letter which apparently really affected both of them. Meanwhile, I was doing everything I could to be near or around Pete. I lived a fantasy where he would come back and apologize to me – beg for forgiveness – and we would be happy ever after. His new girlfriend was with him everywhere he went; it was difficult for me to see him with her. She could not have cared less about me or the fact that I was pregnant. She seemed to gloat that she now had my boyfriend.
One night I went out to a social gathering and he was there on his own, so I took a pint pot of beer and threw it over him. Then I walked out. It did not bring him back. In fact, as my pregnancy progressed, he wanted nothing to do with me. Neither did his large family whom I had known for the five years we were together. I had visited their home, eaten at their table, and attended many family gatherings. I had left my friend’s house and was living in an apartment in the hope he would come back, but it was a wasted effort. I was not focused on the baby, only on me and getting Pete back. I made a decision to have the baby adopted at birth. Forty-two years ago one could not raise a child alone, and I was alone. My parents came around in the end, but at the time they did not want me back home with or without a baby.
Continued…..
Tags: Alan McElroy, baby, Maitreya, Margaret McElroy, pregnant, relationship
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
Friday, September 3rd, 2010
Not only did I become obsessed with him, I could not let him go either. Our courtship – if you can call it that – was my making him feel guilty if he wanted to end the relationship. Year after year, we would break up and, for a few weeks, we would go our own way. But in my own way, I would make sure that I went where he was. I made myself look sweet and innocent – which was the kind of look he liked and which had attracted him to me in the first place. If I could not be where he was, I got friends who were there to talk about me. I clung to him, and he could not escape me. I never wondered if he was happy with me. I assume he was to a degree because he did stay with me, but I never thought it might be out of pity or because he felt guilty. I was wrapped up in my own obsession.
After a few weeks it had become a sexual relationship, and in that sexual side I found the love I had not received at home – which made me even more obsessed. The years went by, and one year I met another man during a time apart from Pete. I found another “soul mate,” but he was in the army and was away most of the year. Finally, after 5 years of courtship and my constant nagging for a ring on my finger, Pete bought me a necklace. It shut me up for a while, but I kept hoping. I could not see that I was really not happy. On one of our times apart he had gone out with someone else, and it made me so jealous of him. Thankfully, it did not last, but I became like a woman obsessed over this incident. Shortly after this, I found myself pregnant. I was 21 years of age and terrified. Of course, I thought “Now he will marry me.” I told him one night at a bus stop before going home as he kissed me goodnight. I have never seen anyone in such shock!
Continued…..
Tags: Alan McElroy, courtship, love, Maitreya, Margaret McElroy, obsession, pregnant, relationship
Posted in My Blog | No Comments »
|
