I have said before that I cannot believe how much negative and old, stale energy I had inside of me, never mind the fear. I honestly believe that, had I not had Maitreya to help me with this, I would have never have released it. As time passed though, and I became more confident of my abilities, I then began to realize I was becoming more sensitive. There is no actual timing I can remember, but it was just a growing awareness along the way. I think it was when I began to do readings in which I could connect with a soul on the other side who was communicating. It was as if I became them, with all of their prior earth-bound conditions, or when I looked at a photograph of a person and became that person and was able to describe them to family and friends with all of their personality traits and energy.
I became incredibly empathic and it got to the point eventually where I could do it on radio without seeing the person; I just had to tune into their energy to know them intimately. My first radio experience of this was in 1993, so I suppose from 1985 – 1993 it was 8 years before I really began to become extremely sensitive and empathic. The person who asked me about raising the vibration asked me if this experience frightened me, and to be honest it did. I would be so amazed at what came out of my mouth when I was giving a reading. People walked away in awe and shock and, at the end of the reading, I would be the same. I also found that if clients could not release emotion, I would release it for them. It was nothing for me to break down and cry in the middle of a reading, because the client could not release the emotion. I was already doing it for husband number two because he could not release, then it transferred itself to my clients also.
Someone asked me the other day what it feels like when one has raised one’s vibration. I had to think about this for a short while because there is no easy answer. The only way I can describe it is that one becomes supersensitive! Being supersensitive brings with it a whole new range of experiences. As I raised my vibration slowly over the years, I noticed in the beginning that I became more intuitive. This usually coincided with a healing crisis of some kind in which I released either a fear or a memory of something pertaining to this life or a past life. In turn I would cry a lot, release the tears and the energy, and I would then feel much lighter, better, and notice shortly after that my intuition had increased.
Sometimes this experience would take months to take effect – from the issue coming to the surface and coming out, and then releasing it. During this time I would be normal and could get on with my life, but I would be aware that I did not feel normal. Eventually, I would come to the awareness that I was going through something. As time passed and I got used to the experience, I would then “know” when it was happening and be able to deal with it more.
To be honest I did not notice myself becoming more sensitive in the beginning. I began my metaphysical journey in 1985. I do know that, in the beginning when I opened the door to it, I cried a lot. I used to say to my ex-husband, “Don’t be bothered by me; I am just releasing energy” as I cried almost all day over some issue which would come to the surface. I would cry perhaps for days on end, and then have a quiet period for a few months before beginning to cry again for a few more days.
We are given advice and guidance constantly but often, because of the ego, we do not realize it is there to help us; the ego gets in the way. I still feel myself reacting when I am given advice and guidance, but these days I listen carefully, do not let it bother me, and try not to give energy to it. By doing this, I allow the Universe to change things (which they usually do) and lead me to the opportunities I need in order to grow. I am very blessed that I can recognize it. Spirit will use friends, family, even our enemies to help us if they can. They will use the mail, e-mail, the spoken word, whatever, but they will do all they can to guide and advise us.
I will never forget the man in New Zealand who was told he needed to slow down and not be such a workaholic. He would not listen to his wife or to the tape of the reading. Eighteen months after the reading he was dead of a stroke! He came back from the other side to say he was sorry, not only to his wife, but also to me, for I was the one who gave the reading and told his wife to ask him to be careful, and to try to get him to listen to the tape of the reading. Watching his energy on the other side was so very hard for me and for his wife, as he realized he did not have to be where he was and could still be alive. But then we are our own worst enemies. Talk about sabotage! The next time something is given to you and you do not like it or take offense to it, really ask yourself, “What am I being told this for?” Instead of being angry or upset, let it pass over you, and you will probably get the message you are meant to get, not what your Self wants you to see.
The Masters are all-loving and all-concerned to help us. It is we who cannot accept what they tell us; our ego, fear, or both get in the way. We were told on that Brotherhood course they will do anything to get us to learn the lessons we need to learn. I was once again taken to 1994 when a friend (who is intuitive) told me I was going to America to read famous people and film stars. My Self felt this was sooo right. I was at the top of the tree in New Zealand, so why not get bigger by going to the USA? Of course, as many of you know it was the most ego destroying thing I ever did, but at least it removed the ego and allowed Spirit to become the leader, not my ego!
I have Saturn in the 10th house of my natal chart. When I was born I placed Saturn there. Saturn has to do with discipline, learning, and especially learning how not to misuse power. With the metaphysical gift I have it would be so easy to manipulate the masses, especially as I have Pluto there also. Adolf Hitler had Saturn in his 10th house, and look how he misused his power! So for me there was much learning about using the energy, power, and being in the public arena. Saturn in the 10th house also indicates that, until you learn those lessons, you will not be allowed access to the public or to public acclaim using that power, and if you do, it will not last for long. In my case it lasted for 3 years before I was knocked off the pedestal of success and had to begin all over again, all because of an ego statement that I made. I remember saying it and wondering how long it would be before Spirit reprimanded me for saying it. It was not long!
Of course, I would never assume that I would not go into the old mode again and I work very hard at trying to keep away from it, but there is always the chance, so I need to keep alert at all times. One of the worst things is the ego issues that come up when Spirit does try to help us. Spirit recently tried to help someone I know very well. However, their anger stopped them from seeing what it was Spirit wanted and needed to show them. This person is approaching their second Saturn return and they have not done what they should have done in their first Saturn return. Not only that, but their solar return chart (which is a forecast for the next year) over the next two years, is all about health problems and there is such a strong indication that the person could actually go home to Spirit during that time.
It is at times like this I must admit I get frustrated because I cannot help the person but I am extremely happy that I know what I know – especially about astrology – and can plan my life to avoid the pitfalls which could create problems for me. I am also extremely happy that I learned the lessons I did and am able to move beyond any potential problems. For years I did not understand, and it really made it bad for me not knowing. Now because of my knowledge I can plan my life/future a lot better. We have so many souls trying to help us to learn the lessons we need to learn: a Guardian spirit, guides, helpers, the Masters themselves, but we very rarely listen to them. I remember the first time they tried to help me. It was through a letter a woman wrote to me commenting on the way I did my readings. My first reaction was, “How dare someone do this to me and write what they did, even though it was done with love.” I was hurt, angry, and very upset. Three days later though it was another story. I was able to see that she had indeed done me a favor, as what she had written to me about actually manifested and caused me a lot of grief.
Over the years I have seen some amazing things happen which have led people to learn the lessons they needed to learn, some of them really good things, but others really bad or what we would call bad anyway. We all know of people who have accidents and then find through the experience their “Aha” moment which changes their lives, or the person with an addiction who after rehab or giving away that addiction become counselors for others. Maitreya told me that we have many opportunities to learn on our own before Spirit intervenes and quoted to me my 14 years of fighting my gift and finally being brought to my knees with having everything I owned taken from me in a recession. It was the only thing which forced me to open the door and, of course, discover the wonderful gift I have which has enabled me to help many people over the last 20 plus years.
Each of us chooses the time a Master will intervene. For me it was the age of 36, and it was as if I was pulled into darkness – literally. I then had to change. I have written about this in my books and a previous blog. It is even worse if one is at a Saturn return. For instance, in my first Saturn return (which was at age 28/29) I left England for Australia and from the age of 29 had to learn some very hard lessons about many things. Thankfully, I learned the lessons and so at my second Saturn return at age 58, Saturn rewarded me very generously. Although I moved again from Australia to the United States and still had a few lessons to learn, it was not as hard as when I was 29. I just have to be careful that I do not go backward and into the old way. I somehow don’t think I will though. I recently went through a testing time and did not react the way I would have reacted many years ago. I think I have it nailed!
